Guilt Over Not Breastfeeding – Choosing Formula Without Shame

Sometimes, continuing to breastfeed just isn’t possible—or right—for you and your baby. That’s okay. You don’t need to justify your choice, and you have no reason to feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Every situation is different, and your well-being matters too. It’s time we put mothers’ mental health first.

Stop Beating Yourself Up – Sarah’s story

I felt incredibly low after I couldn’t breastfeed my twins. They were my first babies, and I had no idea that having inverted nipples—not just flat, but truly inverted—would make feeding so difficult, especially with twins born at 37 weeks. They just weren’t strong enough to latch or draw the nipple out.

What really got me through the struggle was a friend who said, “Make the firm decision to formula feed, stop beating yourself up, and focus on what will get you and your girls to a happy place.” That was the best advice I’d ever received.

We need to stop guilt-tripping mothers over not breastfeeding. The guilt can be crushing.

My Family Ridiculed Me – Annie’s story

I searched everywhere online for someone who’d gone through what I was experiencing, but I couldn’t find a single story that matched mine. During my first pregnancy, I noticed my breasts never really swelled, but I didn’t think much of it. How could I have known? I was just excited to finally hold my baby and breastfeed him for the first time.

The day after he was born, the doctor and nurses told me not to worry—that my milk would come in by day three. But it never did. The hardest part was the constant pressure and judgment. Everyone kept saying things like, “There’s no such thing as a woman who can’t breastfeed,” or “Every mother has milk.”

I remember lying in that hospital bed, crying through the night with my hungry newborn in my arms. Each time I called for help, a nurse would hand me 40ml of formula. I kept trying to breastfeed for two months, but he stayed hungry. Eventually, I had no choice but to combine formula with what little I could produce.

My doctor prescribed tablets to increase my milk supply, and I started pumping to measure it. The most I ever got in a whole day was around 100ml. After three months of trying, I finally stopped. I was heartbroken. The guilt over not breastfeeding weighed on me, but my husband helped me see that it was time to stop torturing myself and just feed our baby in the way that worked.

Still, my family criticized me for stopping. They said it was unhealthy and selfish, even though they’d seen how hard I tried. Even our pediatrician made me feel small, saying most mothers just “give up too quickly.” I felt like I’d failed.

I wish there were more honest information out there for new moms—especially first-time moms who are scared, insecure, and don’t know where to turn. I want to have another baby someday, but I can’t imagine facing that same pain again.

Breastfeeding is deeply meaningful to me. I believe it can strengthen the bond between a mother and her child. That’s why it hurt so much when it didn’t work out. I’ve learned that love, not milk, is what really nourishes a baby.

I Never Got Any Support – June’s story

I gave birth three months ago and was determined to breastfeed exclusively. I didn’t even buy a bottle or formula—I just brought my baby home, thinking I’d be able to feed him the way I planned.

But after a week, he wasn’t gaining any weight. I was shocked to find out I was only producing about 6 ounces a day. I started working with lactation consultants and even went on medication to try to boost my supply.

Eventually, I had to give my baby formula. I felt so much guilt over not being able to breastfeed. I’m still using an SNS system to try to encourage milk production, but my body just doesn’t seem to respond.

What’s been hardest is the lack of support. Everything I read online made it seem like breastfeeding is just a matter of willpower—if you want it badly enough, it’ll work. But that hasn’t been my experience.

I feel so alone in this, like I’m the only one struggling this way.

I Felt Guilty for 33 Years Over Not Breastfeeding – Caren‘s Story

Years ago, I tried everything—pumping included—but I still couldn’t breastfeed. Now, my daughter has just had her first baby. She did all the research and planned to breastfeed, pumping between feeds to boost her supply.

We used a hospital-grade pump, but after a month of trying and getting less than an ounce a day, she made the call to bottle-feed and supplement with whatever milk she could pump.

The truth is, some people just don’t produce enough—no matter how hard they try. I carried guilt about that for 33 years. Not anymore. Thank you for this post.

Not What Being a Mother Is About – Fifi’s story

I felt and in some ways still feel a sense of guilt for not being able to breastfeed my first child. I was living in a very stressful situation when I gave birth.

I could not produce enough breast milk, only 1-2 ounces per feed. Even though I pumped all the time for weeks and took herbal supplements, some part of me still feels I did not do enough. It’s like a dark area for mothers, with the emphasis on trying harder and the presumption that you are not doing enough if you cannot increase your milk supply.

My postnatal midwife was great, saying worrying about increasing milk, spending a lot of time doing this, and being stressed were not what being a mother is about. Even though my son is healthy, I still worry that I did not give him the best start, and whether we will be close when he is older, even though I feel a deep bond with him.

The Guilt I Put Myself Through for Not Breastfeeding – Stacey’s story

I went through the same thing—the guilt was overwhelming. I pushed myself to the edge trying to make breastfeeding work, and for what? In the end, I think my daughter would rather have a calm, present mom than one spiraling over breast milk.

Of course, I know there’s a difference between breast milk and formula—the research backs that up. But when I finally switched to formula and started feeling all that guilt, a friend said, “Hon, it’s not like you’re starving her.” And she was right. My baby was fed, healthy, and happy—and so was I.

My Baby Was Starving – Jayna’s story

I gave birth to my son five weeks ago, and during my entire pregnancy, I looked forward to breastfeeding. It was something I deeply wanted—I imagined how special that connection would be.

When he was born and latched right away at the hospital, I was overjoyed. But things quickly changed. The guilt hit hard when I realized I couldn’t provide enough, and he was crying in hunger. I kept trying, but he refused to latch again. We spent hours like that—him screaming, me desperate—trying to make it work.

When we got home, I spent an entire day on the couch with him, trying over and over. Still nothing. I didn’t know what else to do. All I knew was my baby was starving, and I wasn’t producing milk.

Eventually, I gave him formula. He drank it down and fell asleep peacefully. I thought I’d keep trying to breastfeed while supplementing, but every time I tried, he screamed and pushed away. It was heartbreaking.

The guilt was crushing. I cried constantly. I searched for support, but everything I read online just made me feel worse—like I wasn’t trying hard enough, like I wasn’t a good mom.

Today, I’ve made the decision to stop trying to breastfeed. My milk supply is barely anything—I don’t even make an ounce—and I return to work in two weeks. My baby is doing great. He’s healthy, gaining weight, and happy.

Even though the guilt around breastfeeding still lingers, I’ve accepted that it didn’t work out for us. If you’re struggling too, please don’t let guilt and sadness steal these early moments with your baby. I missed out on some of mine, and I wish I hadn’t. What matters most is that your baby is fed, safe, and loved.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve landed on this page feeling overwhelmed, defeated, or weighed down by guilt over not breastfeeding, take a deep breath. You are not alone, and you are not failing. Feeding struggles are more common than people admit, and the pressure to “get it right” can drown out the truth: you are doing your best, and that’s enough.

Your baby needs love, comfort, and nourishment—not perfection. Whether you breastfeed, formula feed, pump, or anything in between, what matters most is that your baby is fed and thriving—and that you are mentally and emotionally okay too.

Let go of the guilt. Keep the moments. You are a good parent, no matter how you feed your baby.

Resources

• International Postpartum Depression Support
• Feeding Without Guilt – Fed is best

Other Pages Like This One

• My milk never came in
• I failed at breastfeeding
• Switching to formula
• I tried to breastfeed
• Feeling like a bad mom