Some mothers don’t get the support they need in those first tough days after giving birth. Others might feel like their bodies let them down. Whatever your situation, needing to formula feed should never make you feel like a bad mom. You’re doing what’s best for your baby — and you’re not alone.
I Felt Useless – Emma’s story
My little boy is six months old now, and honestly, this still hits me hard. I feel like a bad mom and like I failed as a woman. Giving birth was a struggle — James was back-to-back, and they had to use forceps. The epidural took ages to wear off, so the nurses did everything for him when he was born. I missed that first bonding moment, and it still hurts.
I didn’t produce a single drop of milk. Nothing. James went over 24 hours without feeding before they finally gave him formula. No one ever explained why this happened. No support, no guidance — just silence. Breastfeeding was treated like the only option, and I was left completely in the dark about formula.
When we got home, I broke down. I didn’t even have formula ready, and I didn’t know how to use the sterilizer. I felt useless. My baby was hungry, and I couldn’t give him what he needed. People act like moms who formula feed are lazy or took the easy way out — but they have no idea. That judgment just adds to the shame and makes you feel like a bad mom when you’re already doing your best to survive.
Should I Have Tried Harder? – Bev’s story
My daughter is three months old now, and I love her more than I ever thought possible. I always planned to breastfeed — it was something I wanted deeply — but a part of me feared it might not be possible.
During puberty, my breasts never really developed. I was a UK size 12, but barely filled an AA cup. I always felt out of proportion and incredibly self-conscious, so much so that I eventually had a breast enlargement. Looking back, I wish I’d gone to a doctor first to understand if there was an underlying issue.
When my daughter was born, I breastfed her, but she lost too much weight. The midwife warned me she could end up in the hospital if it continued. I was told to breastfeed, then pump, then top her up with formula. I followed that routine, pumping eight times a day — and still got less than an ounce. Then came mastitis. My breasts were hot and red, my nipples were raw, and I was beyond exhausted.
I told the midwife I was going to stop. Instead of support, she told me it felt like I had plenty of milk and that it was a shame I was drying up. That crushed me. I didn’t want to starve my baby. I never got engorged, which made me think there wasn’t much milk to begin with.
Now, my daughter is exclusively formula-fed and thriving, but people comment on how big she is, and it makes me second-guess everything. Maybe I should’ve kept going, tried harder, pushed through — but I was worn out, and it felt hopeless. I still carry guilt. If I have another baby, maybe I’ll try again, but I don’t know if the outcome would be any different.
It Took Me Years to Come to Grips – Sabrina’s story
Wow, it’s such a relief to finally hear from others who get it. With my first, I had no changes in my breasts and was worried, but the doctor reassured me that my milk would come in.
That first week home was beyond exhausting — constant feeding and barely any sleep. At the two-week check-up, we were admitted to the hospital because my baby was losing weight. I cried so many nights, blaming myself. It took me years to work through those feelings and stop thinking that I was a bad mom.
When I got pregnant again, I was determined to make breastfeeding work. I had support, consultants, medication, and a plan. But even then, I’d sit feeding for an hour, only for her to be hungry again 20 minutes later. By the end of the first week, I switched to formula. It was the hardest decision.
I still struggle when I see breastfeeding moms in public or commercials on TV — it brings up that deep sense of failure. The emotions, the anger, the sadness… It’s a lot. But I keep coming back to this: my baby is healthy, she’s happy, and that’s what truly matters.
You Are Not a Bad Mom – Helga’s story
You are not a bad mother, and from another mom who has had the same issues as you, it is hard not to get emotionally wrapped up in it, but you need to focus on loving your little one & yourself!
You have done what you can, which is better than some women do. There needs to be education for those who cannot produce because it is tough to deal with for those who want to breastfeed, and it sure isn’t our fault.
Peace be with you, and may you enjoy this wonderful time in your life. They grow up so fast. Please be kind to yourself & allow yourself to enjoy that beautiful baby.
I Don’t Need You Making Me Feel Inadequate – Kristy’s story
I had my first child eight years ago and couldn’t breastfeed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pump more than an ounce. It crushed me. Years later, I came across an article that finally gave me some answers — it talked about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and underdeveloped breast tissue. I have PCOS, and suddenly, things started to make sense.
Now I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my second, and the anxiety is creeping in. I still carry the weight of how I was treated the first time. My baby lost a full pound in just four days, but the nurses wouldn’t let me supplement. When I finally stopped trying, they made me feel like a bad mom, like I had failed.
This time, I have to have a c-section, which means I’ll be in the hospital for 3–4 days — and honestly, I’m dreading it. Not the surgery, not the recovery — but the judgment. The looks. The snide comments. I wish just one nurse would take a second to understand that this isn’t a choice — it’s a need. If you’re a nurse reading this, please: don’t judge. Don’t make assumptions. I don’t need your pity or your lectures. What I need is understanding, not another reason to feel inadequate.
Wanted to Breastfeed So Badly – Sam’s story
Thank you so much for these stories! I cried reading them because it all sounded like what happened to me with my son.
I wasn’t producing enough milk, and he became dehydrated. We spent an extra four days at the hospital, and I felt like such a bad mom. I had wanted to breastfeed so badly.
Luckily, I have amazing in-laws who bought me formula and gave me so much positive support when I had to bottle feed.
I am due in a month with my second child, and while I would like to breastfeed, I won’t hesitate to give him formula this time.
Final Thoughts
Feeding your baby should never be a source of shame — yet for so many mothers, it is. The pressure to breastfeed, the lack of support, the judgment from others — it all adds up and leaves too many women feeling like they’ve failed before they’ve even had a chance to find their footing.
But here’s the truth: how you feed your baby does not define your worth as a mother. What matters is that your child is loved, nourished, and cared for — and that you are supported in the process.
Resources
- Postpartum Depression Support International
- Find a breastfeeding support group near you.
- Milkology Breastfeeding Class – Affordable, video-based online course to help you master breastfeeding at your own pace.
- Feeding Without Guilt – Fed is best
