When it comes to breastfeeding, the messages can feel all over the place. Some people say, “Every mom can do it.” Others say, “It just didn’t work for me.” And if you’re somewhere in the middle—wanting to breastfeed, but worried you might not be able to—you’re not alone.
So, can anyone breastfeed? The short answer is: most moms can, but not everyone will have the same experience, and for a small number, it may not be physically possible. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Let’s break down what’s true, what’s not, and what you can do.
Our bodies are made to produce milk. Hormones kick in after birth to get things going, and your baby sucking at the breast helps keep the milk flowing. It’s a supply-and-demand system (Cleveland Clinic, 2023).
But here’s the thing: just because it’s “natural” doesn’t mean it comes easy. Sore nipples, latching problems, anxiety, exhaustion—they’re all common in the early days. And without the right support, many moms start to wonder if they’re just not built for this.
In reality, only about 5% of women have a true medical reason that stops them from making enough milk (Huang et al., 2022). That means most challenges have a solution, especially with help from a lactation consultant, your midwife, or even a mom friend who’s been through it.
There are a few common reasons breastfeeding gets off to a rocky start:
The good news? These problems are common and usually temporary. Getting hands-on help early can make a world of difference.
Yes, some moms—through no fault of their own—can’t breastfeed or can’t make enough milk. That can be due to:
This is not about trying harder. If you’re in this small group, know that it’s okay to grieve that experience—and also okay to move forward with other feeding options that keep your baby thriving.
Worried your baby isn’t getting enough? You’re not alone—many moms do. Here are a few simple ways to tell:
Still not sure? Reach out. A lactation consultant can weigh your baby before and after a feed to see exactly how much milk they’re getting.
You are still a good mom.
Some women don’t produce enough milk. Others face medical issues. Some simply decide it isn’t right for them. All of these reasons are valid.
Feeding your baby is about more than breast vs. bottle. It’s about connection, nourishment, and doing what works for your family.
If you’re unable to breastfeed or choose not to, formula is a safe, nutritious option. Some moms also explore donor milk or mixed feeding (breast and formula together). There is no one “right” way—only what’s right for you.
Most moms can. Some can’t. Everyone deserves support.
If you’re just starting out, the best thing you can do is get help early and often. Talk to your healthcare provider, reach out to a lactation consultant, and lean on the people around you.
If breastfeeding works for you—that’s wonderful. If it doesn’t, or if you decide not to—you’re still doing a beautiful job.
This is your journey. You get to write the story.
My first son was born three weeks early, weighing just 5 ½ pounds. He tried so hard to nurse, but he kept losing weight because he wasn’t getting enough milk. The doctors warned that if he dropped below 5 pounds, they’d have to hospitalize him. When he got down to about 5 lb 2 oz, we gave him formula to keep him out of the hospital. He gulped it down and finally started gaining weight. That’s when I knew—this was what he needed.
Still, I cried. I felt like a failure. I kept thinking, who can’t breastfeed?
Everything I read said, “just keep trying,” and that anyone can breastfeed. I have large breasts—G-cup—and I thought surely that meant I could feed a set of twins. Meanwhile, my sister with small breasts had no issues. It made no sense.
When my second son was born full-term and bigger, I was determined to get it right. I stayed glued to that recliner, feeding him around the clock. He would nurse until he fell asleep from exhaustion, only to wake up starving again minutes later.
Once again, I switched to formula. And once again, my baby finally began to thrive.
Now, both of my boys are healthy young adults. I know I made the right decision for them, even though it broke my heart at the time. Later, my mom told me one of her sisters had the same struggle. It turns out this issue isn’t as rare as I was led to believe—but no one tells you that when you’re in it. Not the doctors, not the books, not the breastfeeding handouts. And that needs to change.
I’m so grateful I found this site. It’s been over a year since I had my son, and it still stings that I couldn’t breastfeed.
Every time I hear something negative about moms who don’t breastfeed, it hits a nerve. I’ve searched for articles or research that speak to this experience—and there’s just not enough out there. Coming across this space feels like a breath I’ve been holding finally let go. As moms, we need each other. We need more understanding, not judgment.
The truth is, every mom feels unsure of herself at some point. And honestly, people who shame others for not breastfeeding? That’s their own insecurity talking.
Before I became a mom, I had this picture in my head of how it would all look—neat, calm, kind of perfect. But like most things in life, it’s messier. Beautiful, yes—but also complicated.
I’m learning to forgive myself for the things I couldn’t control. And if you’re carrying that weight too, I hope you can let some of it go. We’re all doing our best. Sending love and healing to anyone who needs it.
I had eight children—and never produced a single ounce of milk. With my first, the doctor looked at me like I was some kind of medical mystery. They tried everything, but my body just didn’t make milk.
By the time I had my second, I made sure my file said I couldn’t breastfeed due to medical reasons. That one little note saved me from the judgment and rude comments about bottle-feeding. People can be incredibly harsh when they don’t understand what’s really going on.
Years later, my daughter went through the same thing. She was heartbroken when her milk didn’t come in after her son was born. She cried, and I cried with her. Thankfully, she had me and her sister to lean on. And looking back through our family history, it seems like at least one daughter each generation faces this.
I wish the people who push breastfeeding at all costs would take a step back and realize: some women just can’t. No amount of willpower or supplements will change that.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how you feed your baby. What matters is that they’re fed, safe, and loved.
I have a Master’s in child development. My entire extended family works in healthcare. And still, I felt deep guilt when I couldn’t breastfeed.
When my son was born (he’s three now), I did everything right. I bought the $300 pump, stocked up on nursing gear, and was completely blindsided when my milk never came in.
It became the hourly question—“Has your milk come in yet?” No. It hadn’t. I saw two lactation consultants, tried every herbal supplement—nothing worked. Only then did my mom, a registered nurse, tell me that she and both my grandmothers also couldn’t produce milk.
When my daughter was born, I pushed even harder. More consultants, more supplements, hospital-grade pump, supplemental nursing system—you name it. At first, the consultants repeated the usual: “everyone can nurse.” But as my daughter became dangerously dehydrated, their tone shifted. Eventually, they told me to supplement. The most I ever pumped in one day was two ounces.
At one point, she nursed so hard she drew blood. Then she spit it up. We ended up in the ER.
Even now, with a healthy five-month-old, I still get looks—from coworkers, relatives, strangers—because I bottle-feed.
And honestly? I’m scared and grateful at the same time. What if there wasn’t formula? I’ve had smooth pregnancies and deliveries—but no milk. Would my babies have just gone hungry?
It baffles me that the medical world doesn’t treat this as a real condition. Some women physically can’t make milk. It’s not rare. And it deserves real, compassionate acknowledgment—like any other medical issue.
I won’t go into the full saga of my own breastfeeding struggle—just know it mirrors so many I’ve read here.
Back then, I felt overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. I cried right alongside my hungry baby every time breastfeeding didn’t work. There was no one to tell me it wasn’t my fault. No one to say, “This doesn’t define your worth as a mother.”
Now, with a thriving two-year-old who’s bonded to me like glue, I see things differently. Of all the setbacks a child might face, being formula-fed is not the one to lose sleep over.
I fully support breastfeeding and believe moms should have the resources to try. But the movement crosses a line when it leaves mothers feeling judged or inadequate because they can’t—or don’t—breastfeed.
I once heard a mom admit she assumes anyone who uses formula is lazy or uneducated. That kind of thinking is not just wrong—it’s harmful. It ignores the many real reasons someone might not breastfeed: medical conditions, adoption, trauma, HIV, or, yes, physical inability.
The “breast is best” message has helped many women—but it needs nuance. Because when advocacy becomes blind to reality, it starts to resemble the formula-pushing of decades past, just flipped around. We can do better. And we should.
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