The days after a baby is born can be incredibly stressful. Many parents expect breastfeeding to come naturally, but for a variety of reasons, it doesn’t always go as planned. Some end up feeling like they failed at breastfeeding, which can add guilt and frustration to an already overwhelming time.
It is already a massive adjustment having a precious new baby to look after, not to mention what our bodies undergo. But breastfeeding troubles can bring with it many additional stressors.
You should never feel guilty about doing what’s right for you and your baby – if that means you need to stop breastfeeding, that’s okay. What’s important is that BOTH you and your baby are happy and healthy!
Failed Breastfeeding – Yvette’s story
I find it very insensitive and disrespectful for people to insist that there is no such thing as a woman who can’t breastfeed. I felt like a failure after my first baby could not get enough breast milk to gain weight. So with my second child, I was determined to succeed at breastfeeding.
After two months, I was not meeting my baby’s demand for milk and was exhausted from pumping milk around the clock.
I had chosen a pro-breastfeeding pediatrician who advocated for mother’s milk only for the baby’s first year. In my baby’s third month, however, he asked me to relax, supplement my milk with formula, and enjoy my baby. I am so grateful to him for letting me off the guilt trip.
The bond with each of my four children has everything to do with our intense love for each other; the countless hours spent together – not just feeding them but looking out for them, cuddling them, spoiling them, disciplining them, and being their unconditional, eternal number one fan.
It’s not the most natural thing in the world. I cannot stand all the posts on Facebook and forums that ridicule and criticize all moms who formula feed.
I tried and tried for eight weeks. If I wasn’t breastfeeding, I was pumping. It took over my life so much that I could not enjoy my daughter. I had to supplement her at two weeks because she had lost too much weight. I was so depressed and down on myself.
The day I gave her her first bottle of formula, I cried. Breastfeeding had failed, and I felt like I had failed her. But seeing her guzzle it down, finally satisfied, was a moment of pure relief. She had been so hungry.
The most I ever pumped from both breasts in a day was an ounce. Maybe it had something to do with a C-section and not having my child latch for two days because of being in the NICU.
The birth was traumatic for both. But regardless of all those women who are pro-breastfeeding, before you try to preach to the women who formula feed, stop for a minute and think, maybe it wasn’t because the mom was lazy or took the easy road. Maybe, just maybe, it was an actual problem that the mom agonized over, became depressed about, and cried every night about.
Now I have a healthy, happy 9-month-old, and I will try with my next child, but I will not agonize over it.
Mother of Eight – “Always Felt Like a Failure” – Kerry’s story
I have been a mother eight times, and not one of them was I able to breastfeed. Feeling utterly devastated every time, but never as much as I was three years ago when my son Joshua was born two months early.
I remember the nurses in the NICU asking me every day if I had brought my milk in for them to tube feed my precious, tiny newborn son. I felt so terrible trying to explain over and over that no matter what I did, I couldn’t produce more than a few drops of milk.
Every time I tried to breastfeed, I cried and always felt like a failure. Not only could I not keep him inside me long enough, but my body couldn’t feed him either. I felt like I had let him down in every possible way! I wanted to be the one who gave him everything he needed to grow strong and healthy, and I had failed.
The nurses placed a crib card on my son’s bed that read, “Thanks, mom, for breastfeeding me.” I went home that day and cried for an hour. I think my depression over this will never really go away. But I have a beautiful 3-year-old who is healthy and happy. That’s all that matters!
My Body Had Other Plans – Sharon’s story
I’m a nurse, and I felt all this pressure to breastfeed—and I truly wanted to! My son was a superstar; he latched on great. But my body had other plans. Despite endless effort, there just wasn’t enough milk, and breastfeeding wasn’t enough to keep him fed. Calling it quits at six weeks felt like failure—but watching the scale drop made it clear he was losing weight and needed more than I could give.
Luckily, my doctor was supportive and reminded me I wasn’t a failure. But it’s hard not to feel that way when everyone around you keeps praising breast milk. There are endless empowering articles about breastfeeding—but almost nothing for those of us who couldn’t, or who chose formula instead.
Hard Time Accepting This – “The Thought of Failure” – Melissa’s story
I gave birth to my son via C-section after going through labor with tremendous back pain. When it came time to push, they realized he was too high up and angled. Later, I also found out he was face up.
A day later, we were told he had a tongue tie and a significant one. We didn’t see it as a big problem; we would get it fixed, and that would be that. Little did I know this was the start of a tough breastfeeding journey.
For the first few months, we struggled with what I later found out to be his latch. I would sit in the chair crying as he breastfed. I would cry from pain, frustration, and the thought of failure.
We finally got the latch fixed, and things were great until my supply dropped around when I got my IUD. I researched and found out that your supply levels out at a certain point. So, I continued feeding on demand, and my supply continued to drop. My son always seemed to be hungry.
I pushed the thought of formula out of my head – it wasn’t an option. When I returned to work, I still faced a low supply and struggled to pump enough. I spoke with a lactation consultant and had my pump checked, but nothing worked. I was forced to accept formula for supplementing at daycare.
Today we are at six months and are facing the end of breastfeeding. Not by choice, but because my supply continues to drop. I am having a hard time accepting this. I feel like I am mourning the loss of it. Parts of me feel like I have failed, even though somewhere inside me, I know that six months of breastfeeding is an accomplishment.
I don’t know anyone else who has gone through a similar journey, so your stories have helped me a little, though I have a long way to go in accepting all of this.
“What a Terrible Feeling It Is to Fail at Breastfeeding” – Ladan’s story
After being so depressed, I searched for any support group to make me feel a little better. Surprisingly, many sites support breastfeeding and cheer for successful moms, but absolutely none for moms who wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t.
I had difficulty with both of my sons, and I cannot believe what a terrible feeling it is to fail at breastfeeding. You feel like less of a woman.
My newborn would drink a whole 2-oz bottle after being at my breasts for more than 90 minutes. I gave up at month 4 with my first son and at day 7 with my second because I had a 3-year-old who also needed my attention, and I could not sit there for long hours with tubes and all other kinds of accessories to help with breastfeeding.
Go, girls. I wish people knew that some moms don’t choose formula for their own convenience but to feed a crying, hungry, frustrated baby.
“I Felt Like Such a Failure, and it Was Upsetting” – Charlotte’s story
I’m so glad pages like this exist! I, too, had my heart set on exclusive breastfeeding – I was so excited for that magical bonding experience with my baby.
After a long and exhausting labor, both my son and I were completely wiped out. I spent hours after delivery trying to feed him, with constant encouragement from the midwives and doctors.
He just couldn’t get the hang of it. After a couple of attempts at cup-feeding, I was reassured that he’d eventually latch, and I kept trying, still hopeful.
But after several hours, I was told we couldn’t go home until they saw him feed—one way or another. I was devastated. The pressure to make it happen only added to the stress I was already feeling (which probably made everything even harder).
I tried all night – hand expressing colostrum and dropping it into his mouth via a syringe – I saw midwife after midwife, each with a different technique and suggestion, but we still couldn’t do it.
By the next morning, still running on zero sleep, I gave in to formula and was finally discharged. I was determined to keep trying at home. I saw midwives, community support workers, and nurses—but no matter what, we couldn’t make it work. He just couldn’t latch.
I felt like a complete failure, and it was heartbreaking. My milk had come in by then, so I expressed as much as I could and topped him up with formula. That got us through a few weeks, but as his appetite grew, it became overwhelming. I was either feeding or pumping constantly, with no time left to actually enjoy being with my son.
I was truly devastated. Luckily, my husband and midwives were encouraging and supportive and explained how lucky I was to have the option to provide my son with an alternative feeding method.
I later discovered that my son has a laryngeal stridor (a blockage that disrupts airflow in the larynx). This does not cause him problems; at five months old, he has grown out of it. According to the research I have read, it would have made it difficult to breastfeed.
As mums wanting to breastfeed, there is an awful lot of pressure to justify why you are bottle feeding. I still feel the urge to tell the whole story when asked about our chosen feeding method – ridiculous, I know. I have come to appreciate that as long as we are healthy and happy, there isn’t much else to worry about!
Final Thoughts
These stories share a truth that often goes unspoken: not every breastfeeding journey goes as planned—and that doesn’t make you a bad mother. It doesn’t make you weak.
Breastfeeding can be beautiful, but it can also be painful, frustrating, and sometimes impossible. When the pressure to succeed at breastfeeding meets the reality of low milk supply, medical issues, or pure exhaustion, it can leave mothers feeling like they’ve failed at something that’s supposed to come naturally.
But feeding your baby isn’t a measure of your worth. Whether it’s breast milk, formula, or both, what truly matters is that your baby is fed, loved, and growing—and that you feel supported, understood, and never judged.
You didn’t fail at breastfeeding. You made the best possible choice in a tough situation. That is strength. That is motherhood. And you are not alone.
